sometimes, i really feel like my life is falling apart. and i'm not just being emo. i don't understand why i feel what i feel at all. nowadays, i'm feeling scared, worried and lonely all the time. usually, i would just push it all to the back of my head and not think about it. but today, i started covering it up by just laughing alot, i felt like i was crazy. i don't think anybody understands how i feel because no one actually seems to care. i felt really angry today at a few people in school, but i didnt understand why. today was supposed to be a really special day because it is leap day, and i guess it is in certain aspects. i love leap days. they always appear to me as all the magic in the four years all combined into one day.

lots of love,
mun

P.S. i feel like there's something i forgot to say but when i remember it, i'll most likely edit it in.

hi everyone! in the com lab now with gwen. i've just been abandoned by tan.... we had gym today, and i almost lost my temper. sam was getting me really frustrated because she kept adding things to the routine but she never properly explained it. but PE was quite fun because we ran 4 rounds and i made it the whole way through, and only stopped ONCE. thats a wonderful accomplishment for me. part of the reason was that esther was running with me and she said i wasnt allowed to stop if she was running next to me. so after she finished her 3 rounds, i was finally able to walk but then, nell and ting yan came along. all three of them are like pro runners especially esther. i bet she could sprint the whole 4 rounds if she wanted too. ok i need to go now, recess bell is about to ring.

lots of love,
mun and gwen

hi everyone. today i went for gb, and our devotions was really great, we talked about ruth and the moabites. it was so much more interesting than i thought it would be. during gb, i keep getting the feeling of being left out. it's sort of the same feeling you get when everyone seems to be in on a secret and you're the only one who doesn't know what it is. everyday, when i'm with my friends, i feel like i'm living in a dream. but you see the thing about dreams, is that sooner or later you got to wake up. i can't help feeling that the dream is going to end soon, and i'm gonna have to wake up and face reality.

ok. school started 2 months ago and i was so upset. i was in a totally different class from tan, esther, both sarahs, gen and gwen. but the good thing was that marian and sam are in my class. right now i'm in 1t and it ROCKS!! there is so much drama going on in 1G and i still have no idea how marian manages to keep up. i am so far behind that i didnt know about that whole S, B, C..... drama until last week. i really miss 6.6. after so many years with the same classmates, you still feel a certain attatchment to it. i'm trying my best to stay close to all my old friends but sometimes it just seems so hard and its almost as if tanya and i are the only ones trying. i'm getting so upset because everyone, especially gen and marian, are already moving on, and instead of keeping the old friendships, their making new ones and forgetting the old. now i find it so hard to talk to my friends like how i was able to before. everyone keeps saying that the friendships you make in secondary school are the ones that last but what if the frienships that i made in primary school are the ones that i want to keep? school is getting harder and harder, i feel like i cant cope. im almost failing everything and i feel so inferior to everyone else. my dad says i have an inferiority complex and i whole heartedly agree. suprisingly i joined gb again this year. i feel like gb is sort of like my safety blanket, i just cant bear to let it go. 1T has been wonderful. everyone is just so nice. i think some people might actually like me. this year i've sort of grown closer to sam, marian and yi xin, each of them for different reasons. i've gotten closer to marian because i spend most of my time with her, and i laugh the most with her too. with yi xin its mostly because after being insane with marian, i need to at least be sane with someone. but yi xin can get quite high sometimes. after the perth trip, sam and i got really close and she's the perfect person to go to for 'counselling'. truthfully, 1T is a wonderful class with wonderful classmates and teachers. right now, i think that if you were to ask me to change classes, i would most likely say no.

lots of love,
mun