I'm still so scared about the Aloud! semi-finals on saturday. I haven't even decided on what song to sing, and the aloud committee has been bugging me for it. I don't know if i should quit or just see it through, but my dad keeps saying that i should continue on with the competition, as i have already taken someone's spot in the competition. but you see the thing is, i was never that serious about this competition. i never would have thought that i would have gotten past the auditions. i really want to quit, but i don't want to be a quitter. everytime i feel that it would be worthwhile to stay in the competition, i get all scared about being on stage. i guess i would mind it less if it wasn't a competition, like in chapel or something, because u are singing for God, but this time i'm just singing for myself, which seems pretty selfish to me. i don't and can't be on that stage. i can't stand the thought of being compared to all those other brilliant singers. i feel like the only reason i was put into the semi-finals, was to be a laughing stock. i remember when i went for that bandage thing, me and my friends were commenting the singers on stage and saying how bad they sounded. what if someone does that to me????? i am so going to die. i don't want to be a singer on stage, i want to be the person watching. wouldn't that be both easier and more fun? i think i just don't want to be compared to everyone else. i'm not a terrific singer unlike everyone else. i'm most likely the worst of the group. but then why did i get in? i have no idea why i was chosen to be in the competition. so many other better, more confident people didn't even get in, and i did. i seriously think that there was a mix-up. truth be told, i think i was happier when i thought that i didn't get in than when i did.

lots of love,
(a very stressed) mun